Luffy Vs The Fridge
by Sturm and Drang
Summary: In the New World, a peaceful day is a rare thing. But lets face it. if there isn't anything causing trouble for the Strawhats, they'll make some for themselves.


Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.

I do however, own a little stuffed animal deer, it's name is Giraffe.

Enjoy.

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><p>It was a calm day on the Sunny. The wild weather of the New world had taken a day off from meteorological impossibilities in favor of a peaceful day of sunshine and water as smooth as glass.<p>

But despite the serenity, all was not well on the pirate ship.

Luffy lay upon the proud lion figurehead, curled into fetal position and groaning. For the captain, his greatest enemy had once more reared its wretched face. Casting pain and sorrow upon the would-be king.

"I'm hungry." Luffy groaned. Clutching his belly as it shrieked in protest of its own emptiness.

Something had to be done. The Pirate King couldn't die of starvation. How lame would that be?

The rubberman forced himself to his feet and slowly lurched to the kitchen, dragging himself towards his salvation. Finally, after what seemed a torturous eternity, he reached the door of the kitchens. He could smell delicious things beckoning him onwards.

"SANJI! MEAT!" Luffy roared, slamming the door.

The blond cook had his back turned to captain. He was calmly slicing a carrot and studiously ignoring the screaming pirate behind him.

"SANJ! MEAT!"

"No."

"NO! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO! I'M STARVING!"

"I mean no Luffy. I gave you a snack twenty minutes ago. It was huge. You can wait for dinner like everybody else."

"DINNER? WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT WILL BE?"

"In an hour."

"An hour?" Luffy whispered, his voice tinged with horror. He'd never last that long. He glanced past the chef to the fridge. Sanji was fast, but he wasn't watching. Luffy slowly inched towards the fridge.

"I really wouldn't try it." Sanji drawled, finishing up the carrots and sliding them into a bowl.

But Luffy didn't listen; he was too busy lunging for his prize. He rushed past the cook and wrapped his hand around the handle of the sacred keeper of food.

A tiny click was all the warning he got before a panel opened over the fridge. A metal bar swung outward, slamming into Luffy's arms and trapping them against the floor. Luffy desperately jerked his arms around, trying to free them from the trap. He turned his head when he heard a sigh.

"Seriously Luffy? This is the third time this month you've been caught in that overgrown mousetrap. By the way, after you broke it last time, I had Franky upgrade it with some seastone, just for you."

"You can't do this to me." Luffy muttered. "I'm the captain. I order you to let me go and feed me right now."

Sanji just sighed again, finally looking up at his hapless captain, he picked up a pair of cleavers, slowly sharpening them against each other. "We've been over this Luffy. You're captain of the ship. But here, in the kitchen…" he slowly began to walk towards the trapped pirate. He leaned over looking into Luffy's eyes.

"I'm King. You understand?"

Luffy nodded hurriedly, eyeing the knives that the chef was still sharpening.

"Great!" Sanji smiled, "Now I'm going to let you go, and you're going to go entertain yourself for an hour while I finish up dinner. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Good."

* * *

><p>The door slammed behind Luffy, trapping him out on deck, outside of the kitchen.<p>

Away from the food.

For a whole hour.

Luffy shuddered. He had to do something. He began to creep along the wall, inching towards the kitchen window.

Peering through, he could see Sanji placing a piece of meat on the counter. Luffy started to drool. It looked so tasty. Carefully he examined the window. It was open, but only slightly. He wouldn't be able to fit his hand through it. He saw Sanji turn around, turning his back to the window probably trying to fetch some spices or something.

This was his chance.

Placing his face against the crack, he prepared himself.

"Gum-Gum…" he whispered. "Froggy technique." He shot his tongue out, stretching through the window towards the meat. Desperately he wrapped his tongue around the piece of meat, the contact sent a tingly feeling of barbeque sauce rushing through his body. Luffy forced himself to hurry, tightening his tongue he brought the meat rocketing backwards towards him. Here it comes. Luffy could feel his anticipation skyrocketing as he saw the meat flying towards his mouth.

Then it slammed into the window, catching in the crack and pulling the glass out of the window frame.

Which shattered against Luffy's face.

"OW! DAMNIT!"

"Luffy!" Uh oh. Sanji sounded mad.

Luffy turned and fled, desperately clutching his prize in his hands. He sprinted across the deck and rushed through the first door he saw. He slammed it behind him and leaned against it. Desperately listening for any sound of pursuit. After a few moments he couldn't hear anything.

He was home free.

He looked at his hand, more importantly, at the meat it was clutching.

Success.

Reverently Luffy brought the piece of yumminess into his paused for a moment, savoring the tangy taste of the sauce. As always, Sanji had outdone himself. The rubberman bit into the meat.

And felt his tooth chip against something rock hard.

Luffy spat out the meat. It clunked against the wooden floor, exactly like meat wasn't supposed to.

What the heck?

Luffy took a closer look at the not-meat. He found a little piece of paper pinned to the back. Turning it over he saw some writing on it.

_Luffy. _

_I hope you enjoyed eating this rock. When I said wait for dinner, I meant it. _

_This is strike two,_

_Sanji._

Luffy growled. That sneaky little swirl-head! He kicked the rock across the room.

"Hey! Watch it Luffy!" the captain started, looking up to spot Usopp glaring at him. "That rock almost hit me."

"Sorry Usopp." Said Luffy. "It's Sanji's fault." The sniper frowned, watching Luffy nurse his jaw and looking at the rock.

"You tried to steal food from Sanji again didn't you?" he deadpanned.

"It's not my fault he's being greedy."

"Luffy, I saw him give you a snack not half an hour ago."

"Who cares? I'm hungry now!"

"What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Help me get some food."

"Heck no! Sanji's scary when you mess with his precious kitchen, just wait for dinner."

"NO!" Luffy grabbed the sniper's shoulders and started shaking him. "Do you know how long that would be? An hour! That's way too long. You've got to help me!"

"Why do you think I can help you?"

"Because you're captain Usopp! Didn't you once tell me that you stole food from five thousand men using nothing but a rubber band and a ball of twine?"

"Well yeah. I did say that. But I didn't expect you to…uh… you know, hold me to it."

"So you should definitely be able to help me get food from Sanji. Please Usopp! You're my only hope!" Luffy had fallen to his hands and knees, desperately pleading with the sniper.

"Well I am pretty awesome." Usopp smiled. A determined look appeared on his face. "Right! On your feet soldier! The great Captain Usopp doesn't let his friends starve! Here's the plan."

* * *

><p>Usopp cleared his throat, eyeing the kitchen door.<p>

It was show time.

He knocked on the door.

"For the last time Luffy. I'm not going to-" the door was pulled open. "Oh. It's just you. What do you want Usopp?"

"I needed to ask you something."

"Luffy can wait until dinner, I'm not giving him any food."

"That's not what I'm asking!"

"Really? Luffy didn't put you up to distracting me or anything?"

"Uh…No."

"Then why is he watching you from behind the mast like you know the meaning of life?"

"Uhh… I don't know." the sniper desperately waved his hand behind his back, telling Luffy to get out of sight. "I just wanted to know if we had some suntan lotion."

"Why?"

"Nami asked me to get her some." Sanji froze.

"What?" he asked.

"Well, Nami and Robin are sunbathing and they-"

"I'll do it." Sanji interrupted, rushing past Usopp in a cloud of hearts "Nami! My darling! Allow your prince to help you sunbathe." Once he was out of sight, Usopp beckoned luffy over.

"Alright Luffy. At that speed he'll probably find some lotion in about a minute. Then he'll take a minute to search the deck for Nami, then he'll probably search two or three more times when he doesn't find them. That gives us about four minutes to get some food and get out before he gets back. Let's move."

The pair entered the kitchen and approached the fridge. Okay time for step two, Usopp pulled out his slingshot and carefully took aim at the handle. He fired, sending a marble bouncing off it. With a click, the giant mousetrap activated, slamming against the floor.

"Alright. Captain Usopp has deactivated the trap. Hurry Luffy, secure the target."

The rubberman nodded, rushing forwards and wrenching the fridge open.

It was beautiful.

Rack upon rack of food, piled so thickly that he couldn't see the back, and there, sitting in the center of was a gorgeous piece of meat. It was lathered in the most divine smelling sauces and gleaming in the dim light of the kitchen. Luffy could practically see it looking at him with a come-hither look.

Slowly, reverently, he reached out and grasped the piece of divine deliciousness, and lifted it off its plate.

Click.

The refrigerator door suddenly swung shut, slamming shut on his arm, trapping it and the meat within.

"Okay…" Usopp blinked. "That's new."

Luffy struggled desperately trying to pull the door back open. He could feel it. The meat was no rock; it was the real deal. He had it in his hands. And he couldn't eat it.

What sort of hell was this?

"LUFFY! USOPP! IF I FIND OUT EITHER OF YOU HAVE STOLEN FOOD YOU'RE DEAD!"

"Oh no. Usopp whimpered. "Luffy! Stop messing around. We've got to go right now." The sniper wrapped his arms around Luffy's waist and was pulling as hard as he could.

"I can't my hand is stuck."

"Just let go of the meat, your hand will slide right out."

"Don't even joke about that Usopp!"

"I can hear Sanji coming! We have to go right now!"

"Right. In that case, we'll have to bring the fridge with us."

"Bring the fridge…? Whoa! Wait a second Luffy! Luffy!" the sniper was forced to dodge out of the way as Luffy's muscles bulged.

And ripped the fridge out of the wall.

Luffy went flying backwards, dragging the fridge with him. He went careening towards the door.

Just in time for Sanji to open it. The chef's eyes widened as he saw the fridge flying at him.

Usopp winced at the crash as everything collided.

He tiptoed past the wreckage and looked from the captain to the cook.

"I'll…uh… I'll go fetch Chopper."

* * *

><p>"Come on guys I said I was sorry! Can I please have some food?" Luffy begged.<p>

Luffy had been tied around the mast, his arms stretched backwards around the mast and knotted together. Watching as the rest of the crew ate their dinner.

"Nope." Sanji replied, his voice a little muffled through the bandages around his face.

"This is mutiny!"

"No it's not." Nami snarled, stomping forward to glare at the helpless captain. "This is a timeout. Do you have any idea how much money it's going to cost us to fix the kitchen and replace the things you broke?"

He shook his head.

"Medical supplies, food, a refrigerator, the kitchen door, and a window. As well as any scuffs you put along the deck. The total comes to about two million berries. This ship isn't cheep, and guess where all that money's coming from."

"Uh… my share of the next treasure haul?"

"Nope. From your food allowance."

"No." Luffy whispered once more feeling horror welling up within him.

"You're going on a diet until you've paid for the expenses."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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><p>Well wasn't this fun. This is one of the first one shots I've ever published.<p>

I tend to be my own worst critics, but let me know what you thought.


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